#hangsheadinshame

Hi (she types sheepishly)…

 

So apparently I wasn’t ready for P90x… twisted my ankle on round 2 of plyo and used that as an excuse (along with the serious intensity of the workout and how it was consuming my life (diet included) to just stop.  So, being the extremist I am – I STOPPED.  I stopped counting my calories and protein, ate what I want, did what I want… and oh did I pay for it.  As of today I am back up to 178 (enter fail music).  I did my “bulk” but never got to the “cut.”  BUT WAIT… that’s not the end of the story.

I’ve decided to try Stronglifts 5×5 as it is more of a beginner workout and SO SO simple.  They even have a minimalist workout here.  The premise is simple.  Start your first workout weight low, next time add five pounds.  Do 5 sets of 5.  Simple!

So my plan is:

Monday: Stronglifts A

Tuesday: 5k

Wednesday: Stronglifts B

Thursday: 5k

Friday: Stronglifts A

Sat: 5k

Sunday:  REST

 

Then alternate the next week.  I know I probably seem wishy-washy… but I have to (x10) find what works for ME.  This is about me being healthier and stronger.  I will not quit again until I hit my goal.  Not an option.  First of all, let me just be personal… my body was NOT meant to handle this weight.  I have a small frame… my dentist tells me to use a kid’s toothbrush for goodness sakes!  This is no longer about aesthetics… that will be a by-product. This is about health.  I have chaffing spots from rolls, and am LIVING in sweats because I REFUSE to buy the next size up in jeans.  I have a double-chin, and feel like I am drowning in my own fat.  So there ya go.

As far as diet goes, for the first two weeks I will be eating very low carb.  Then, I will add in complex carbs only.  I will try to eat every 3 hours… that’s the hard part!

Today, I am going to get a newspaper to take my “before” shot – which I bought a (ew ew ew) bikini for.  I signed up on bodybuilding.com to enter into the 12 week transformation challenge… but I’m not holding my breath for that.  I will try my best and you just never know!!  I could use all the encouragement anyone has to spill.  I have been fighting this discouragement for a month and really felt like… just lost.

Please pray for my hubby, too – he is overweight and honestly is NOT encouraging whatsoever.  He laughed at me starting up again this time.  It hurts – but I am rising above it.  My dad even said on a post that I can’t fight genetics.  Oh did that make me mad.  My brother in law stopped himself from saying something about my weight at Christmas, but I heard it just the same.  Ugh.

I have cried out to God SO much during this…  This morning I begged Him to help me!  I cannot do this without Him.  But, it seems He is silent on the matter.  My face is so fat I don’t recognize myself.  I try to be strong and motivational and positive… but right now I am kind of rock bottom.  My body is a mess, my house is a mess… I hate my hair.  And my dryer isn’t working.

Okay… so there it is.  Raw and real.  That’s what you get here.

P90x Day 5 – Legs, Back + Ab Ripper X – FUN!

Had a super fun time tonight doing the legs. I did have to take a break on sneaky squats and groucho walks – but other than that FUN! FUN! I felt seriously a lot stronger. On the 3 sided squat kicks I did some karate kicks and was feeling tough Haha.

Ate REALLY clean today. Like – proud of myself body-builder clean. Dude. I even drank black coffee. BLACK. Like all those diets say to but I never do. Not a fan… tomorrow I’m thinking I’m having my creamer but I was determined to eat clean today.

Tomorrow and Sunday – I am going to run 5k each day instead of the Kempo and Stretch. I’m really feeling the need to run, and will do Kempo next week or even tomorrow if I’m feeling stout. That means I could up my calories… oooooOOoooo.

Off to drink my recovery drink – 2 scoops of protein powder and some n/f milk with benefiber. Speaking of fiber… the last few days I have been just OFFENSIVE. Like – my kids don’t want to hang with me in the store lest someone think THEY were the offending parties. It’s really REALLY bad when your OWN make you gag. Is that an overshare? HAHA. Well, I stuck to the P90x diet the last couple of days so blame Tony, haha. I am so putting “gas” in my tags, lol.

P90x Day 4 (Yesterday) – YOGA X

Yoga X was nasty.  There.  I said it.  I wasn’t able to do it very well AT ALL, and I’ve done yoga before.  Add in the muscle failure from the previous nights and it was a recipe for disaster.  Downward dog = face meet floor.  My arms just simply kept giving out.  My balance was jacked and I kept falling over.  I was thinking very bad thoughts about that man.  It isn’t his fault.  I know.  Can only go up from there.

I want to switch gears and talk about the diet.  I think the phase 1 diet is totally stupid.  I downloaded the P90x app which is nice, and am going to TRY to stick to their diet guidelines… but it seems really stupid.  It is extremely low in carbs.  I’m not a low carb/low fat girl… I don’t mind doing low carb as long as I can drown myself in bacon grease, butter, and cheese.  Low carb AND low fat makes me feel like I’m going to kill someone (no not literally).  I want to give this program everything I have.

Will for sure have a treat on Sundays or I’m going to go nuts.  Judge me if you want – but a cup of ice cream as one of my dairy choices is GOING to happen on Sunday.  I’m pretty sure Jack in the Shining was on a low carb/low fat diet – it would explain a lot.

It is going to take a LOT of prayer to make it through this.  My hubby suggested I don’t go ALL IN for the workouts so that I am not so spent.  What is the point?  I can’t go things half.    He knows me, and he concurred with my findings.  I want to give this my absolute best (which is why I’m in pain typing!  Typing hurts!).

Tonight is Legs – I’m sure this is going to be stupid hard.  I didn’t throw up the last two nights, but I can’t guarantee tonight.  My legs currently look like they’ve been injected with cottage cheese and so we’ve got a lot of work to do (me and my BFF Tony).

P90X Day 3 – And I’m Feeling GOOD!

This —->

 

 

Oh yeah baby.  Arms and Shoulders + Ab Ripper X – feeling good.  I did half of the workout with my 15 pound weights and half with bands.  Really want to do it with my two 15 pounders… and when I saw the lawyer guy struggling with the 15 pounders I was like – YAY ME!  Not to brag… cuz leg sets will be back to me whining for sure… but didn’t THROW UP.  YES!  Paced myself with hydration today and also kept food right before down… nothing cooking in the kitchen, either (which did contribute to the hurl sesh).  I am sure I will hurt tomorrow, but man I felt good.  GOOD.  So yeah, the song above… I concur!  Tough Mudder next year… here I come!

Dread. Day 3 Dread.

 

This picture of my middle daughter after a full day at Disneyland pretty much sums it up.  This is how I feel today.  Have to do Arms and Ab Ripper today.  However this is all I want to do.  I wish I were kidding.  P90x is a serious beat-down… and I was lifting heavy for 8 weeks prior to this 3x a week.  It just doesn’t touch it.  I’m planning on having a bucket nearby for today’s routine.  Apparently THAT is common:  ”I’ve thrown up many times working out, but it’s all worth it.” Arnold Schwarzenegger

So doing some research in to the physiology of why I might be throwing up – I think I may not be drinking enough water throughout the day to stay hydrated.  A lot of what I’m “losing” during the workout is water – hard to just “sip” when you’re doing P90x.  So, today I am going to focus a lot on hydrating so that I can really not drink about an hour before workout.  No eating about 2 hours before.  If I do it again though, so be it.  I won’t quit.  I just don’t know how I’m going to get through an arms workout when they’re still so ripped up from Monday!  It seems to me today should be a leg workout (except Plyo kind of killed them, too!).  I don’t know – just gonna follow the program and get er done.  Praying.  PRAYING.

 

P90x Day 2 – Plyo – AKA “Hi, my name is Tony… I’m here to kill you.”

So I threw up again.  I guess I’m “bringing it.”  The best I can anyway.  I give myself low grades for poor form, but high grades for sweating it out.  It stinks and it’s nasty.  I found it to be total death in an hour.  It hurts to type.  It hurts to move… even with recovery drink.  So I am going to not make this a long post.  Needless to say I am questioning why the heck I signed up for this??? LOL!  Not gonna quit – RAWR!

Got On The Scale After A Two Month “Reset” + “Before” Photos

As some of you may know,  I was having zero results eating the standard “1200″ calorie diet + exercise… for a long time.  I decided to do a full metabolism reset by lifting heavy weights 3x a week and eating at my TDEE (2120) for 8 weeks.  Results:

 

(drumroll)

 

Starting Weight:  167.2

10/15/12
Chest: 40
Waist: 31
Hips: 40
Upper Thigh: 25.5
Bicep: 13
Calf: 15.25
Neck: 13

Current Weight (I expected more!) 174.2

12/4/12
Chest: 39
Waist: 30
Hips: 40
Upper Thigh: 24.5
Bicep: 13
Calf: 15
Neck: 13

So, by my calculations the reset worked as I didn’t really change in size all that much after almost doubling my caloric intake.  Pretty amazing!  Also, had gotten smaller in more of my measurements, but took a week and a half off of working out before starting P90x yesterday… wanted to come in fresh.  Also, took two days off of tracking before starting my cut phase.  It’s amazing how quickly weight will come on if you don’t work out. Very pleased with the results and have changed my mindset from letting the scale decide my happiness level.

 

On another note – doing Plyo today instead of running… have decided to really commit to my 90 days.  I am going to wait at LEAST 2 hours after eating this time, lol.

 

*** Gonna just add that I am NOT affiliated with Beach Body in any way shape or form as a coach or anything.  Not trying to sell this product or promote them, nor do I represent that company in any way.

Now – part 2… my “before” photos.  These are my starting p90x photos.  Not gonna lie – I’m grossed out.  My proportions are bizarre to me.  Anyway, my daughter took these and I’m going to try to take them in the same spot in the same clothes each time.  Really not thrilled with how this looks – but hellOOO self, that is why I’m kicking my own butt in P90x.

Okay, the lighting on these is bad – will try to do better next time.  Ugh - definitely a more “bulking” set of pictures than I would like to share.  But, it is what it is!  Compare with my other progress photos at 173 – I can see it is better than it was.  Progress.  Task at hand.

P90x – Day 1

Here I go.  Had to wait for a Monday to start – I’m weird that way.  I watched the video twice, and I think I’m ready.  Set my calories to 1600 (BMR + 100), will eat back my exercise calories.  Might be easier to just set it at 1900 and not worry about adding back in the calories.  Debating.  Debating.  Will update after workout to let ya know how much it kicked my butt!

 

*****

Figured out the “P” in P90x stands for PUKE.  I got 45 minutes in to the Chest and Back and had to pause to hurl.  Wow.  Intense.  I guess at least I pushed it, huh?  Gonna do the abs later this eve – cannot fathom doing anything right now… barely keeping it together.  There will be PAIN tomorrow!!!  I have to drink my recovery drink right now and I feel like it is going to come right back out… but I NEED the BCAA’s!  Shaking… WOW.  I felt like doing 10 push ups for each push up choice was wimpy – but I guess it isn’t… that ends up being a LOT of push ups!  I do feel like I could have added weight on some of the stuff, though.  Didn’t do pull ups – did lat pull downs on the machine – 40# x 20 reps for all the pull up sets.  Might bump up 10# next time.  Shaking so bad right now.  So SO proud of myself for doing it.  I wanted to give up super bad… but the best advice he gave at the beginning got me through.  Don’t overthink – TASK AT HAND.

Gosh, isn’t that great advice?  Especially for those of us that tend to be worry warts.  Task. At. Hand.  I focused on the moment and I got through.  Yes… I had a porcelain detour… but boy I pushed through.  If I can do it – you can do it.

On a side note – the food in the crockpot smelled fantastic before workout… after workout the crockpot had to be REMOVED from the house!  UGH!!!  Need to make sure and eat at least 2 hours before working out next time.  Yup.

 

Day 1?  Down (except for ab ripper) – yeah baby!

Are You Addicted To The Scale?

Do you let the scale decide whether today is going to be a good day or not?  Do you let it dictate your caloric intake?  Do you let it dictate your worth?  Up for your consideration is an article by trainer Jason Seib.

http://everydaypaleo.com/2011/06/22/attention-scale-addicts-part-2/

Mainly,  there is a side by side picture of a woman named Deb at 155 pounds.  In both pictures, she weighs 155 pounds.  However, they look like two different people!

So, on my body transformation journey – I certainly would rather look like the toned Deb than the squishy Deb… yet if I didn’t lift weights and eat more to feed the growing muscles – my body would look like the squishy Deb.

The other night, I had a conversation with my oldest sister.  She is dieting and wants to shed a few pounds.  She weighs about the same as I do – but she is 5’10.  However, we are in the same size pants.  She was freaking out about the number on the scale.  I asked… “If you were able to eat more, lift weights 3x a week, wear a size 6 and be toned… yet weigh the same as you do now would you trade it?”  She said she would not want it!  She can’t stand seeing the number on the scale so high!  This is what our lives have become – mostly women… we see that number on the scale and we let it have WAY more power than it deserves.  WAY more.  Consider.

Measurement update…

My measurement progress since eating MORE and lifting weights:

 

0/22/12
Chest: 40
Waist: 31
Hips: 40
Upper Thigh: 25.5
Bicep: 13
Calf: 15.25
Neck: 13

10/29/12

Chest: 39
Waist: 30
Hips: 40
Upper Thigh: 25
Bicep: 13
Calf: 15.25
Neck: 13

11/15/12
Chest: 39 ( -1)
Waist: 30 (-1)
Hips: 40
Upper Thigh: 24.5 (-1)
Bicep: 13
Calf: 15.5 (+.25)
Neck: 13

 

This is super exciting to me!  I have gone down in a few places, and have been eating at maintenance!  Having a blast eating + Strength Training – WHOOP!